the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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