Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
