he puts the penis in happiness.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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