its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
