I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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