I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
