i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
