Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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