I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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