wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
