I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
