i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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