My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
