im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
