have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
