even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
