A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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