Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
