I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
