I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
