i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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