You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
