Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
