Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
