We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
