Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
