Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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