I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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