i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
