Have you finally orgasmed yet?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
