Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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