Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
