I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
