Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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