And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
