i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
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Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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