I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
