My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
