I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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