did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
