i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
