8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
