So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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