yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
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beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
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I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.