Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
