i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?