The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went