i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
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I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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