I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
