It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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