My first STD was from a foam party
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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