Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
im holly from the hills drunk
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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