I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize