I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
