i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
