Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
