omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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