Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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