This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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