The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
