Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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