whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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