i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
