He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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