I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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