Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
