Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
