Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
