no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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