i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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