I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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