dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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