Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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