mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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