I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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