Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
