Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
