We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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