you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
